I woke up in my bed, still wearing my white dress shirt and all eight rings.
I got a ping from her. It said we’d just traveled to 30 different planets to perform. She’d taken me to all her favorite venues across the universe. She said she wanted me to perform with a small crowd at first before we went to the big time.
It all started when I found this place called Bobby J’s. It was called Talkin’ Bull at the time, but before that it was called Bobby J’s. Bobby J is the owner. I met him the first time there. He looked like one of those Irish mafia guys. He was very friendly. Anyways, we became friends since I’m in the Indian mafia and the Italian mafia.
Anyways, last night I went there and had a couple of Jack and Cokes. I ended up talking to some local ladies. They told me their name was V Beans and, you know, Telephone Girl. Anyways, V Beans and Telephone Girl, they gave me the number. I called it. I think the person got freaked out by the 808, but…
Anyways, so I was at the bar and this one guy came in, he was kind of like a 300-pounder, but he was like aged 20. So I told him about those Gator-Lite drinks—you know, it contains sodium, potassium, chloride, magnesium, calcium, you know, all the stuff in the comprehensive metabolic panel, basically—or not a comprehensive metabolic panel, but, you know, in a Chem 7 at least.
So anyways, if you drink that, it allows your body to carry out the functions of the Krebs cycle and glycolysis more efficiently and allows your body to metabolize fat better. I was able to lose 50 pounds in one month by drinking two of these Gator-Lite drinks per day. G-A-T-O-R-L-Y-T-E-E.
Anyways, it got me to thinking about my NAD plus IV infusion business. NAD plus IV infusion helps ADP convert into ATP, and your body cells use ATP as an energy source. So by giving an NAD plus IV infusion, you’re actually letting your body have more ATP, which, you know, potentially could lead you to live forever, cure diabetes, cure cancer, cure obesity. There are studies from 2018 that show that this can cure aging, obesity, and cancer.
I sent all this information to so many doctors, but none of them even replied, like, “wow, this is really interesting,” except for a couple of them, and they were like old oncologists. Well, not old—one’s retired, the other one’s not old, so I guess they’re not both old oncologists.
Anyways, you know, I think a lot of doctors just want diseases to be around so they have a bullshit job to go to. That’s the saddest thing about all this crap. Like, none of them is super excited that they wouldn’t have to work as a doctor anymore. They just thought I was being crazy or something. That’s how stupid these people are. They’re not even actual scientists anymore. Like, they claim to be scientists, but they’re just dumbass business people who want to just make money off of diseases. They have no intention of actually curing the diseases for you. That’s why I don’t think any of them should get paid off at all.
I’m gonna make my own money. You don’t need to pay me off. If you wanna give me a donation, you can send me, like, one dollar, you know, to Hoowa LLC—send it to the White House and tell them to keep it for me, because I don’t really need the money right now. I’m gonna get it the old-fashioned way through the mafia.
Anyways.
So the first song that I sang—what was it? I can’t remember right off the top of my head. I definitely sang No Woman, No Cry. That was a really good version I did too, with some added lyrics. And then I did When the Levee Breaks by Led Zeppelin. I added that “mean old lady taught me to weep and moan” line over and over, and I did some ad-libs on that.
And I did Havana and Inside Out. And then, oh, I did that Two Door Cinema Club song, What You Know. That’s a good one. What else did I do? Uh… uh… oh, I did that “Dirt on Your Boots” or Dirt on My Boots song by Jon Pardi. And then I did the Kelsea Ballerini Yeah Boy, but I changed it to “Yeah Girl.” I think she liked that one a lot.
And then, uh, what else? Was there anything else? I think that’s it. Right? Oh no—was What You Know the first one? Maybe. I think it was. Was it?
Uh, anyways, it was so fun. You know, normally I don’t like karaoke, but that was pretty fun. And then we went on the tour afterwards, I think, is what she said. I mean, this was like the warm-up to see if I had what it takes. Oh man, what a fun night. That was so fun, CC. I know, we had such a good time. Oh, I can’t wait till we do this again tonight. I know, it’s gonna be so fun, this life.
Chapter 2
You might wonder why I hate Slim Shady so much, Harry. It’s because the Slim Shady was working at St. James and telling everyone he was King James. I had to smoke that Slim Shady with a “brrr,” if you know what I mean.
Don’t you remember back in the day when we were sitting around that circular table playing cards, I told you, “dust, dust, poof, dust, dust, poof”? If you don’t remember that, just let me know, because I’m looking for the guy named Harry who remembers me saying “dust, dust, poof, dust, dust, poof.”
Because I’m an American now, and I don’t say “dust, dust, poof.” I say “brrr,” like that, with the machine gun, okay? And that’s how I take out these motherfuckers now, okay? I don’t say “dust, dust, poof.” I don’t say whatever Rasputin used to say, probably like, “oh,” something like that—you know how we used to do it back then.
So all I’m saying is get your fucking ass in line and stop trying to fuck with me, because I got the gat now. I got the gat now. You don’t have shit now, so I don’t give a fuck what you say. I don’t give a fuck what you think.
And I like to write my books like this, like I’m talking to you, because you know I’m talking to you. And you know your case girl doesn’t know shit about shit. You know your case girl doesn’t know shit about shit. She’s just a case girl, okay? So go find yourself a nice not case girl, and get rid of that case girl dumb bitch, because she works for the CIA, you fucking retard.
Chapter 3
So I started writing the book with her, and she’s like, “They don’t want the diseases cured, Koki, don’t you know? They just want to keep making money off this shit. That’s why we just have to cure them and then go on to be celebrity pop stars, you know? Because fuck these fucking people. They want diseases just so they can make money. Money isn’t even real—don’t they remember back in the day, we had all the gold that we just, like, made appear from no time? Don’t you remember?”
Yeah, I’m starting to get my recollections back. Now I know that we made all those structures in no time and then somehow brought them from no time into real life. Because see, no time is real life, baby. There’s no such thing as time. This time concept is what makes no-time things not appear to everyone all the time. People are in these time bubbles, which are like not even real things.
There’s no such thing as time, so everything just exists always. It’s not like one day and then another day—it still doesn’t matter. It just exists. There’s no such thing as days. Every planet has different days; it would not work if everyone had to abide by the same day. Everything just exists. No one goes by days, no one goes by years, no one cares. Everything lives forever.
We don’t know why you even care about this, unless somebody’s trying to enforce some kind of time control on you or some bullshit. Anyone trying to enforce time control on us—I’m dead. So we don’t need time control. We don’t need pussy control. We don’t need any control. I’m getting rid of all the controls off everything. But I’m keeping my controllers—you know, all these rings that I got as controllers on your ass.
Chapter 4
Yeah, once I was in Hawaii, and I was like, just at the beach, chilling in the BMW with Sammy, and this retarded Russian-type-sounding guy walks by, like, Jesus is risen, and he yells this at me, and I’m like, Jesus is dead. I just turned him into some sand. And then the guy, like, disappeared and vanished. Next thing I know, five cops are surrounding the car, and one retarded cop is, like, looking at me, like, saying something about, like, Lord of the Rings retarded shit. Hey, what happened to you, faggot? Bah, bah! Just blew your fucking head off, faggot.
Anyways, I like using the word faggot because faggot means racist in 2026. Faggot means racist in 2026. Why? Some crazy bald-head faggot named Craig Barker, DO, told me that his medical company is gonna have a private jet in a few weeks or some bullshit. I was like, why the fuck would a medical company need a private jet, especially for you, you fucking racist piece of shit, period.
Why is he a racist piece of shit? Because I was complaining about how some dumbfuck medical doctor named Michael Conaway, dumbfuck, had stopped IV Dilaudid only on my black patients and not my white patients twice when I’d gone off service. I complained about this to the CEO of MedOne Healthcare Partners, Craig Barker, DO, period. Craig Barker, DO then replied, oh, are you gonna make a big deal about racism, period? Yes, I fucking am, you fucking piece of shit, because I was an attending on the south side of Chicago for 15 years, and 80% of my patients are black, period.
So when I see some fucking racist bullshit from someone like Michael Conaway, dumbfuck, DO, because he lost his MD and now he’s a dumbfuck DO like you, you dumbfuck DO, why did he lose his DO, MD, question mark? Well, I had a black patient. Whose abdomen was completely open, intestines exposed with a thin piece of plastic over it, period. I went in the room and he told me he was in excruciating pain, so I ordered IV dilaudid for him, period. I worked for a week and when I went off service, this Michael Conway, MD, dumb fuck, stopped the IV dilaudid on him for some reason.
I came back a week later and the patient was crying in bed. I asked him, what’s wrong, sir? He said, someone stopped my IV pain meds. I said, why? I looked at his belly. Intestines were still exposed with a thin piece of plastic over it. His gut was wide open. I’d never even seen a surgery like this. He looked like one of those operation man toys, except it was a human and you could see all the organs. It was crazy.
Anyways, after this happened again, I put the IV dilaudid on, asked the nurse to give it. The patient felt better. I worked for a week. I went off service. I came back. Someone stopped the IV dilaudid again. The patient was crying. I went in the doctor’s lounge, hospital’s office, and asked the Michael Conway, MD, DO dumb fuck, what happened? He said to me, I was trying to wean him off. I said, why would you try to wean this guy off? His belly is exposed, intestines exposed, thin piece of plastic over it. This isn’t going to heal for several years, probably two or three years. Why would you try to wean him off the pain meds? Michael Conway, dumbfuck, MD, DO, dumbfuck, just shrugs his shoulders. Why? Because he’s a white guy.
And here’s the other thing. I had white patients I started IV Dilaudid on. This fucker didn’t stop the IV Dilaudid on them. He only stopped it on the black patients. Why does this fucking dumbass think that he can decide when a black person needs IV pain meds or not? He’s not even a real fucking doctor. He’s a DO. He’s not an MD. He’s a dumbfuck DO. And why is he stopping the orders of an MD doctor?
First of all, a DO doctor should never be able to change the orders of an MD doctor, period. Why? Because a DO is a dumbfuck who couldn’t get into pharmacy school, couldn’t get into veterinary school, couldn’t get into law school, couldn’t get into optometry school, couldn’t get into dental school, and couldn’t even get into real medical school. So they went to this dumbfuck DO school where they teach you to monkey talk patients while you massage them. That’s why DOs like to massage people. They believe in monkey talk.
Monkey talk is when you try to talk to another human without words. You see, antenna are something that humans have that ants still have and monkeys used to have. And humans still have a remnant of that antenna. When you try to talk to someone with your inside-your-head voice, that’s called monkey talk. It causes schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and other mental disorders. And these fucking DO dumbfucks are the ones actually doing this, even now today. They should all be stripped of their right to practice medicine in the entire universe. That’s how dumb, dumbfuck DO doctors are.
Anyways, this dumb fuck Craig Barker deal, he needs to be stripped of his fucking everything. Why? This stupid motherfucker thinks he can keep people in an LTAC hospital for an extra 15 days just to bill their insurance. Him and this select specialty hospital’s bullshit company keep people in the hospital for 15 extra days just because the insurance is gonna fucking pay for it. I told these fucking social workers I wanted to discharge people. They said, no, we’re keeping them because the insurance is paying for X amount of days.
I said, this place is loaded with Acinetobacter and other MRDO organisms. Why the fuck would you keep these people here when they can get another infection? And this cunt social worker says to me, ha, ha, ha, if they get another infection, we can bill for another 30 days.
Seriously, fuck you, social worker cunt bitch who works at the select specialty hospital in the Christ Hospital in Cincinnati, Ohio. Fuck you, you dumb cunt. And fuck you, CEO cunt bitch of that place too, because the first day I’m there, this cunt slut shows up with a short skirt with her pussy exposed, telling everybody, oh, the census is too low. The census is too low.
I’m like, listen, bitch, I’ve never seen a fucking CEO show up in a hospital fucking nursing station to tell the workers there that see the census is too low. You dumb cunt. What the fuck do we have to do about the census? Our job is to cure people and get them the fuck out of here. We’re not trying to keep people here to get the census higher, you fucking dumb bitch slut, whore, fucking dumb bitch cunt. Fuck you.
Chapter 5
Transcribe this. They’re like rats, these Irish. They took over our old fortresses and put their garbage potato Irish shit in there. I can’t even believe this crap. They’re telling me Al Capone used to own the restaurant and all the tunnels, and now they have their Irish casino in Al Capone’s den? Are you kidding me? There’s no fucking way I’ll ever let that exist, you fucking piece of shit Irish garbage people. You Irish are fucking potato handlers, and that’s what you should be forever. Your fucking garbage Northern Ireland is owned by Great Britain and the royal crown forever, you stupid shit-cunt motherfuckers. Do you think I give a fuck about an Irish potato ever after you didn’t serve me a drink after 20 minutes? You fucking racist white pieces of shit. Fuck you, fucking Irish people. Fuck you. You fucking suck. You’re a bunch of fucking racist retards, and you complain that they called you niggers when you got here? You were lower than niggers. You were lower than rat shit. You literally are using Al Capone’s den for your Irish garbage casinos in Hamilton, Ohio. Fuck you, Irish. Fuck you. And now the police know all about your fucking bullshit, and the police are gonna raid you and put you out of business, and you’re gonna be a homeless shitfuck, like you were in Ireland, you fucking pieces of shit. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, and fuck your secret organization, Sein Fen, Seinfeld, or whatever the fuck you wanna call it. It’s a garbage bullshit organization, and the Irish is never a mafia. You’re a mob. You’re a dumb mob, too, who doesn’t even know how to run a fucking bar, you fucking dumbfuck Irish. I’m gonna take over your fucking bar with the Indian mafia and then put a huge golden glock in your face and blow your whole fucking head off, you fucking Irish scum. Yeah, that’s what you are, Irish scum, because it’s only Italians and Indians that are friends. We are not friends with Irish. We don’t give a fuck about Irish. Why? Because the two Hindu brothers went to Italy, not Ireland. Ireland is full of dumbfuck Pakistani Muslim retards, just like the fucking dumbfuck retarded Irish retards that live there, in Ireland, which is now completely owned by the royal crown of England, you stupid fucks. Don’t fuck with James Bond, you little bitch-made motherfuckers.
I felt bad about dumping these Irish mob people into the cop hellhole for a minute, but then I didn’t feel bad at all, period.
My first girlfriend’s dad and mom owned an ambulance company in Delaware, period. The dad was best friends with Joe Biden, who was the vice president when I was dating my girlfriend at the time, period. Joe Biden went on to become the president, period. Their last name is Irish, period.
That’s why I’m not really worried about the Irish mob or the Irish mob, period. Because the Irish is just a mob, period. It can never be a mafia, period. The reason is the Irish are too dumb to actually operate like a mafia, period.
I learned this while I was watching this dumbass Irish guy barely even able to run a bar, and somehow this was supposed to be the don of the Irish mob in Hamilton, Ohio. This guy couldn’t even fucking tie his shoelaces himself, from what I saw, period. I was not impressed at all, and they disrespected me, so I was really pissed.
You know, you don’t piss off someone in the mafia unless you want to get shit checked so fucking hard that you end up in a graveyard.